I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
