I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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