just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
