I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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