who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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