I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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