they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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