he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
