She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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