nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
