peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm passing your future prison.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
