no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
