i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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