My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize