I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
