After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
