Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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