I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
