I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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