And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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