This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
