i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
