Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
