Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
