Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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