Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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