the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
