I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
