Too much gin, very little bucket
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize