I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
