How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
should my penis look like a turkey
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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