i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
