my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
