This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
