We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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