Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
