woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
