I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
