You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
