girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
