Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
