got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
