Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
