Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
