DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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