Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
