we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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