guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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