Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
