i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
