I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
