literally had 100 drinks last night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize