you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
