Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
