I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
