I CAN MOONWALK!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
