I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize