So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
accomplished twins. life is a go
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
