A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
