I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
