he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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