Your dad touched me again.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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