This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
