The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
