You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
