I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just high enough for therapy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
