Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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