Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
