dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
