Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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