i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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