I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
