u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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