there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
