god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
