I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize