Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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