i was rollin on her like bob the builder
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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