i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
