I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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