CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
