Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
