Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
