I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
