I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
