Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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