he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
