note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize