She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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