The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
