we have officially mastered the walk of shame
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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