I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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